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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their bond?